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End result: we attempt to describe the indescribable, and may end up simply sounding like a lunatic. Ah well... that's okay, too. such is the plight of every Neo and every Morpheus who has awareness of the matrix in the first place.
I've been practicing this form of meditation for a few years now, and have commented to Wendy from time to time that the only real 'problem' is that what occurs in the dreaming self can be observed, but I had not been able to bring much of it back into the conscious, waking awareness of the observer. Very similar to journeys with the mushroom ally in that regard - we experience all manner of wonder, yet even as it is occurring, we are haunted by the Knowledge that we will not be able to 'retain' more than a fraction of it when morning comes.
At any rate, prior to engaging my meditation last night, I had been talking to Wendy about this apparent 'barrier' between the observer and the dreamer, essentially wondering why we are designed in such a fashion so as not to be able to really 'know' certain parts of ourselves, except through the most convoluted methods, and sometimes perhaps not even then. So, in a way, I had asked a question of the universe, of the double, of the infinite.
And then I meditated, expecting nothing, just allowing it to unfold.
After several minutes, my della-awareness realized I was observing the dreamer. And there was a further awareness that Orlando (my double) was there to act as a guide. I observed that my dreaming self was at a casino, playing video poker - something I do on occasion just for the hell of it. As I watched, the dreaming self essentially won a substantial amount of money on a royal flush, which resulted in one of those wake-up moments we all know so well. One of those moments when we simply jolt to a more 'awakened' state - not any great moment of profundity, necessarily, just more awake. Like when somebody cuts you off in traffic and you abruptly realize how close you came to your death. The adrenaline rush. The small gasp in the back of the throat.
At any rate, as the dreaming self experienced this little 'jolt', Orlando essentially removed the 'barrier' between the dreaming self and the observer, and this matrix training room in which I had been dwelling froze like some still-life painting on the canvas of the cosmos. No barrier between the observer and the dreamer, and at that point, with both realities simultaneously hanging in space like some hologram which was neither real nor unreal, Orlando said very calmly and succinctly, "You can open your eyes in either one."
Now, this is something any beginning warrior knows from reading Castaneda, at least to some extent. We can open our eyes inside our humanform self, or we can open our eyes inside the double. That's one simple way of looking at it. But when the barrier was removed and I found myself presented with the conscious awareness of actually do-ing so... let's just say that, too, was one of those wake-up moments - because it also brought to light the quantum aspects of our existence, which may be summed up in the words, "All things exist within the realm of possibility, but only some things will be forced to go through the motions of actually occurring."
Put another way... the dreaming self who had just hit a royal flush was only one of those infinite possibilities, and yet I can honestly say it was more than "just a dream", because I could have made the decision to open my eyes inside of THAT possibility and forced it to go throught he motions of actually occurring.
It.
Was.
A.
Choice.
For reasons which are not possible to put into words, I chose to open my eyes inside of my observer self, and so I found myself back in my bed in my meditation position, with the weenie dog at my feet and the swamp cooler struggling to keep the heat at bay. For a moment, I experienced a strange disappointment. "Did I allow fear to stop me from making that leap?" I asked myself.
I heard my double laugh gently. "There's no right or wrong decision. You opened your eyes here, so that was the proper choice for that possibility, yes?"
Well, that's one way of looking at it.
And yet, I am wholly aware that what Orlando wanted me to see was that these possibilities are actually very real, while at the same time having some quality of a character walking through a video game. But no matter... that's a whole other can o' worms for some other meditation on some other dark night.
Point being - the implications of this experience are actually quite profound. Huge, in fact. Sure, I could dismiss it as a particularly profound meditation, or I could drop the comforting platitudes, and see it for what it really is.
We are beings of immense ability, yet we have so neatly programmed ourselves and so carefully categorized our experiences that we run the high risk of remaining trapped in the matrix even while Knowing it is all around us.
What if I had chosen to open my eyes inside that dreaming self? My sense of it was not that of some Hollywood drama or a monkey's paw scenario. It wouldn't automatically mean opening my eyes into some alter-self where, just for example, I had never met Wendy, so I was alone and miserable; it wouldn't mean discovering I was someone with gambling debts and the mob looking to break my legs. It would simply mean, perhaps, that I had made a different decision as to THAT night's entertainment. Went to the casino for some video poker with friends instead of staying home to watch a movie. Just that simple.
Or is it? When one starts exploring the quantum possibilities of the matrix, it quickly becomes obvious that these parallel or alternate realities are all around us, but we TEND to think of them as 'unreal' because we are not experiencing them directly with the awareness of the ordinary self. IOW, I automatically consider my della-self to be the "real" one, but there is nothing to say 'she/I' am any more 'real' than the dreamer at the casino. From her point of view, I would be the parallel reality, after all.
So what does all of this indicate? Simply that we are beings of infinite possibility - and my real sense of what happened last night was that these infinite possibilities CAN be "forced to go through the motions of actually occurring", based entirely on where we CHOOSE to open our eyes. And, beyond the 'simple' choices, it could well be *seen* that an ability to open our eyes inside of other 'realities' could be the key to transmogrification itself - i.e., opening our eyes inside the energy body, beyond the threshold of our own 'death'. Positions of the assemblage point, in other words. Is there a limit to what we can do? Or do we create those limits through our fears and pre-programmed expectations?
I am inclined to say there is no way to predict what would have happened had I chosen to open my eyes inside that 'other' reality, and yet that's not entirely true. If we know ourselves intimately, if we have gatered the cohesion which makes us warriors or sorcerers or wo/men of Knowledge, then we are not really leaping into some unknown scary alter-self... but we are, instead, "assembling other worlds", an art which has been discussed throughout Toltec and many other shamanic traditions for centuries. What I always wonder is why even the most adept warriors may sometimes perceive this ability to belong solely to the don Juans and the don Genaros. "I could never do something like that," is a phrase I often hear. Well... if that's what you believe, then that will be the reality which you force to go through the motions of actually occurring. You will never be able to do something like that.
Argue for your limitations and they will be yours. Absolutely factual statement.
The trick seems to lie in our ability to DO the jump with full conscious awareness, as opposed to simply following the default mechanism. Sure, someone is bound to say we make these choices all the time, and that would be a true statement as well. What I'm getting at, however, goes far beyond that, and gets into the realm of not only making our daily choices with conscious awareness, but potentially using our abilities to EXPERIENCE with conscious awareness more than just a single possibility at any given moment. Reminds me of some of Carlos's tales - when he was pushed through a door in one place, and suddenly found himself in another place altogether... or, the most famous, when he jumped off the cliff in Mexico, and woke up in his apartment in Los Angeles.
Metaphor? Or reality? What are we REALLY capable of when we remove that barrier which is, in essence, the matrix of the consensus?
Words cannot describe the indescribable, of course. To anyone who has experienced this type of thing, no explanation is necessary. To anyone who hasn't, no explanation is possible. And yet... there is the odd compulsion to try - which, in itself, may be one way in which we shatter the confines of the matrix and create some of those infinite doorways which lead to infinite possibility.
