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Quantum Shaman moves to Blogspot

Feb. 21st, 2015 | 07:11 am

Even though Live Journal will always be my favorite haunt, I've found it necessary to move my blogging activities onto Blogger.  You can find me at:

Quantum Shaman

Della Van Hise (writer's blog)

I hope you'll visit me there!


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Identical Twins

Sep. 23rd, 2012 | 01:01 pm

Lucid dream:

I encounter 2 twin girls, whom I dreamed about a few nights ago.  They appear to be 9-10 years old, strawberry blonde hair, and dressed in cotton flower-print dresses of a style that was popular in the late 1950s.

twinsIn my lucid state, I am remembering a technique learned from Orlando years ago.  It is acknowledged that 99.9% of those we encounter in dreams are just projections of our own awareness – false echoes, in other words.  Very rarely do we encounter actual extant beings.  One way to determine if a character you meet in a dream is to ask them their name.  If they are false echoes, generally they will either vanish altogether, or will take on the qualities of a zombie.  Most often (there are exceptions, of course), phantoms will not be able to tellk you their name in a dream.

So I said to the little girls, "You look identical.  Are you twins?"

They nodded in unison.

I then asked, "What are your names?"

The girl on my right met my eyes with an intensity that was astonishing.  "My name is Time," she said.

 The girl on my left had an equally penetrating gaze as she revealed, "My name is Death."

Then, in unison, they said, "We are identical."

I cannot express the intensity of their being.

I was instantly awake, pondering Time and Death in the dark on the first  night of autumn.

I feel certain I will meet the twins again. 

The little voice of silent knowing says to me, "Don't let their appearance fool you.  Don't let their innocence trick you."



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Morphic Resonance & Silent Knowing

Sep. 23rd, 2012 | 12:36 pm

In working with the double, it's important to understand the metamagickal connection which might best be described as morphic resonance.  In essence, morphic resonance is a subliminal and invisible field of compatible resonance that might also be described as the hive mind, or simply as the energetic pathway through which all thoughts and ideas, and all intent and will, are filtered.  The morphic resonance field may account for the so-called "hundredth monkey syndrome" - wherein if a colony of monkeys on an isolated island start using a shell as a dipping tool for water, other colonies of monkeys completely removed and isolated from the original colony will begin to mimic the same behaviour within a short span of time.


gnosis2As this relates to the double, if you think of the double as an inorganic construct existing outside of time and ubiquitously and non-locally in "space", the umbilical which connects the double to the mortal self is the field of morphic resonance.  And it is through that resonance field that gnosis and other methods of communication and manifestation become possible.  Many seekers make the mistake of visualizing the double as a separate, extant entity, when the actuality is that it is wholly and absolutely connected TO the mortal self, regardless of when/where either may be standing on the time/space continuum (or outside of it altogether). 


How would you experience morphic resonance?  How does it work?  How can you use it in your day to day life?  Simply put, just KNOWING it exists is the first step toward utilizing it in your ordinary life.  There is a theory that it is easier to solve a newspaper crossword puzzle later in the day as opposed to early in the morning - just to use a common, easy example for visualization purposes.  Why?  Because as people solve the puzzle early in the day, their knowledge/answers enter into the field of morphic resonance, which is available subconsciously to all others working the same puzzle later in the day.  This theory extends to other "practical" aspects of life, as well as to your ongoing work with the double.  Virtually any and all information may be "downloaded" from the field of morphic resonance.  The trick is learning to connect to the specific field through your own unique frequency, which is something that may be learned through experimentation and practice.


Think on your life and identify moments when you have experienced morphic resonance.  Do you realize it's morphic resonance that may often be responsible for preventing traffic accidents?  Have you ever been driving down the road and suddenly slowed down for no "apparent" reason - and another car runs a red light in front of you and would have hit you had you not slowed?  Think of some of the connections you've made in life, and how they may not have happened at all had you been one minute later or five minutes earlier.  As you contemplate this, you will most likely feel a connection to the resonance itself - like a frequency in mind/body/spirit that somehow feels "right." 


It is in learning to identify that frequency that the seeker begins to have greater success and greater control connecting to the various morphic fields surrounding every living and inorganic thing.  In other words, every "thing" has its own unique field.  If you want to know about Mars, you could connect to the morphic field surrounding the planet and essentially "download" that information through cosmic osmosis.  The trick here is learning to know the difference between what is downloaded, and what is mere speculation.  Generally, this can be determined by validating your downloads against known/quantifiable knowledge already gathered.  For example, if you were to enter the morphic field of Mars and download the information that there are 2 moons, this is a fact that could be easily verified through minimal research.


Obviously, the seeker's Intent would generally go far beyond the moons of Mars, and not all of the information you download will be of the ilk that can be verified.  Just remember that when you are in tune with a field of morphic resonance, you will simply know things without knowing how you know them.  You will feel a certainty and confidence that transcends mere speculation or wishful thinking.


This is another aspect of the art of silent knowing.


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Internet Piracy & The Age of Entitlement

Aug. 13th, 2012 | 12:11 pm

There seems to be a group of people who think it's okay for sites like Pirate Bay, Torrents & other "free download" sites to simply rip off writers, artists, musicians et al.  I've heard arguments like, "It all balances out in the end."  Or "You'll still sell your books even if they are being offered for free."  Or "Isn't it about the message and not about making money off your books?"

Let's get something straight here.  Intellectual property (something created by an individual such as art, writing or music, just for example) is the property of the individual who created it - which is why copyright laws exist.  Many of these sites have moved their servers off US soil, so now they can hide behind the petty excuse of, "We don't acknowledge US copyright."  Clever, but you're still a thief.  You're still a slimy little toad hiding behind a big pile of bullshit, and you are making a profit off of legitimate writers, artists & musicians who don't owe you a goddamn thing.  You are a dirty little turd and you are hurting real people who actually work for a living.  Clear enough?

The current generation of entitlement has put forth the notion that "All information should be free, therefore we are just going to take it."  To that end, sites such as those named above post links to free downloads, but in order to get to the free download, you have to join their site (this costs $$$), and so the information really isn't free after all, when you are paying the site owner for the privilege of stealing the material that otherwise you would have to pay to the artist.

Don't kid yourself.  If you are using one of these sites, you are a thief and an asshole, and you are part of the problem, not part of the solution.  Oh my!  Della just called me an asshole!  Yes, I did.  Because the bottom line is simply this:  how would YOU like it if these same thieves came into your house, stole all the food in your fridge, and then sold it online?  I think your "positive attitude" would go right out that frilly pink window and MAYBE you would wake up to the fact that stealing is stealing, whether it is a physical object or an ebook.   And that's really what's happening.  Writers and artists depend on proceeds from their works to pay the bills.  It's the food on our tables, and it ain't "free" anymore than the groceries in your fridge were free.  You worked to manifest that steak, so why should someone else be entitled to just take it?  Not!

Bottom line... thou shalt not steal.  Pretty clear instructions - and a standard moral & social law in all countries and cultures.

Don't be part of the problem.  If you are, please unfriend me.  I want no part of thieves, or those who would defend them.  No one owes you anything.  Get a job.  Get a life.  Pay for what you take.  And stop spewing all those pretty new age platitudes  while trying to convince yourself it's okay.  It ain't!

Part of being a warrior is about knowing when to stop being a pussy.  Part of being a warrior is knowing when to put away that plastic bliss ninny smile, and pick up a sword.  

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The Back Door of The Dark Enlightenment

Mar. 4th, 2012 | 12:13 pm
mood: thoughtfulthoughtful

Years ago when I first began pursuing this path, it was my belief that a state of enlightenment or being awakened would result in what amounted to total peace. Heh. So much for false belief systems. A few days ago, corresponding with an old friend, we were comparing inventories with regard to the notions of enlightenment. Not surprisingly, her list and mine were virtually identical in many respects.

With that said, here's some of a list I compiled a couple of years ago. When I dug it out of the mothballs of cyberspace, I was somewhat surprised to find that not much has changed in those 2 years, so... "awakening" does appear to be a state-of-mind/being that, once achieved, doesn't change very much, other than to expand from its own foundation.

1. I walk through life now looking more at the scenery than the inhabitants - i.e., on long drives I am focused on the mountains, the weather, thoughts of the infinite, which leads to...

2. The human world has lost all meaning, if it ever had any.

3. There is nothing I truly long to do with regard to humanform activities. I have no desire to travel (because all destinations are within myself, therefore no real reason to leave home). I have no interest in writing the Great American Novel (so it stands to reason I'm a better writer now than pre-enlightenment, but now I have nothing I want or need to communicate...) The cornerstone of enlightenment is irony.

4. All "causes" have lost all meaning, with the exception of what I do personally & individually. I would rescue a lost kitten if it crossed my path, for example, but I would not go out and join "causes" as I might have done in the past.

5. I used to think I could "get through to people" if only I could explain myself better. This was a demon w/ my MIL in particular, and a few former forum members. LOL. Now, I no longer care if they "get me" or not.

6. There is a sense of isolation even when in the company of those closest to me, particularly as I watch them move further and further from "enlightenment", moving deeper and deeper into "the agreement". I find myself torn between wanting to pull them back onto the path, yet knowing that anything I say might as well be said to ghosts, to an idea, a fictional character. The world at large cannot hear me, for I am the ghost.

7. I marvel at the ignorance of humans. Particularly as it relates to religion. They are content to believe in God(s), but take no interest in matters of their own spirit.

8. Prior to enlightenment, I always "believed" it would result in a state of well-being and a perpetual smile. Not so. I am still the same person, just more disconnected from the hive. No perpetual bliss, no eternal torment. Just... a different manner of looking at the world through the same eyes. Clarity without any great need to "fix" anything.

9. Nothing really matters, but everything is significant.

10. The flaw in the human program is that the program itself is utterly flawed. This especially pertains to mortality - by the time we are old enough or smart enough to receive "enlightenment", we are closer to the end than to the beginning.

11. If life has any meaning, it is the manifestation of spiritual evolution. What does that mean? I *see* it as a permanent shift of the AP to what might be an inorganic state of infinite awareness. Jury's still out. Ergo, at present, life has no profound meaning other than existence itself.


I'm sure there are other observations could make, but... see #2 above.

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Belief vs. Knowledge in UFO Investigation

Dec. 17th, 2011 | 11:11 am
mood: amusedamused

In my distant past, I was actively involved in UFO research - a member of MUFON for awhile, and generally fascinated with the topic.  Over the years, my interests evolved and I became involved in the Toltec community, wrote my own books and websites on the subject... and now I find myself being pulled back into the UFO community by a good friend who asked me to peruse a particular article which had to do with an ever-increasing trend in the field which attempts to explain away the entire UFO phenomenon by saying it is the fulfilling of a Biblical prophecy regarding "the end times."

Go figure!  And here I thought the fundies were too busy bombing abortion clinics and persecuting gays to get involved in the "simple" subject of UFOs.  Learn something new every day, I guess.  After reading several of these articles which proclaim as if it is a fact that "UFOs are demons sent by Satan" or "My guardian angel drives a UFO"... I began to realize that the metaphysical & spiritual studies I've been engaged in for the past - oh - 56 years (yes, that IS my entire life) are not nearly as fruitloop whackadoodle as some might want to believe, and might actually be able to shed some light on these absurd belief systems which permeate the minds of so many.

So I wrote an article. Or two.  Maybe three at this point.  Who's counting?

WARNING:  If you are a fundamentalist Christian or other hard core "true believer", read no further.  My entire commentary here is designed to shed rational and reasonable doubt on your "faith".  So, with that said, proceed at your own risk.

Posted to UFO Digest, December 15, 2011

The problem with arguments based solely on Biblical texts (or any other quasi-religious text) is that the argument itself is almost invariably rooted within an existing belief system that has nothing to do with the subject at hand. From a Biblical standpoint, for example, UFOs are usually categorized as being of the demonic or the angelic realm, and the reader is essentially being asked to choose sides. If you're not FOR the angels, then you MUST be for the demons, and vice versa. This sets up a dualistic model which assumes the reader automatically agrees with the paradigm in which the article is written. In other words, the reader isn't being encouraged to THINK, but only asked to BELIEVE. And there is no "right" answer at that point - rather like... "Have you stopped beating your wife yet?"

On my own website, I often get religious believers wanting to debate me on one subject or another. And what always seems to happen is that when common sense or logic is invoked, suddenly I am accused of attacking the person or trying to "steal their faith". I always have to laugh at that, because religion is the greatest theft of common sense, logic, and personal power that has ever existed. When someone makes the decision to look at the world solely through the eyes of their religion, they have abdicated their own power and turned it over to "the church", and in doing so, the church has become the very devil it preaches against. "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain." Just accept on our word that everything is under control (and put that hundred dollar bill in the collection plate so we can keep telling you what to think, what to believe, how to live, who to hate.  Any questions?  Don't ask.  Questions are of the devil.)

Question everything. Question reality. Question authority. But most of all, stop at least once a day and question your own beliefs. Do you believe God exists? If so, WHY do you believe it? Is it something you read in a book? Is it something someone told you? Really ask yourself: WHY do you believe something? Do you believe UFOs come from outer space? Inner space? What do you believe...? Why do you believe it...? This kind of questioning may seem on the surface to be annoying but it is the ONLY way we may be able to confront the fact that MOST of what we believe has nothing to do with reality itself. Man once believed the earth was flat and resided at the center of the universe, remember?

My own work focuses on the relationship between the mortal self and what might be called "the immortal Other" - the aspect of our being that is commonly called the higher self, the totality of oneself, or a variety of other names. And in the grand scheme of things, I have come to wonder if "they" (UFOs, aliens, faieries, and other mythical beings) are actually US - the part of ourselves that we project beyond this world so that we can explore other possibilities which would otherwise be unattainable to us due to the limitations of mortality itself.  So if "they" are "us", where does that leave "us" and "them"?

What I've learned with regard to the UFO dilemma and most other mysteries, is that we need to look at them for what they ARE, examine them as truly awe-insping mysteries, rather than trying to assign easy conclusions and meaning to these incidents, because all too often, the incident itself might NOT be willing to fall in line with our human conclusions and meanings, at which point we run the high risk of finding ourselves at odds with the thing itself, and setting up an adversarial position, wherein we say UFOs are "evil" because they didn't agree to agree with our conclusions.

Finally, because the UFO mystery remains a mystery and a controversy, attempting to shove it into a Biblical context is not only pointless, but ultimately self-limiting. If we already BELIEVE UFOs are "of god" or "of the devil", then we cannot see it in any other light than what our pre-existing belief dictates. The moment we do that, we have abandoned all hope of Knowledge and entered into a pact with blind faith and superstitious belief. Might as well believe the Easter Bunny is at the helm and Santa Claus is driving the saucer-shaped sleigh at that point.

The destruction of faith is the beginning of evolution.

Thanks for listening,
Della Van Hise

Perhaps not surprisingly, I received a good supply of hate mail from angry xtians - which is rather amusing in itself.  Angry Christians.  Shouldn't that be a contradiction in terms?  But, of course, it is the norm and not the exception, but I digress...

What follows is a dialog that ensued between myself and the angry mob (designated herein as "AM").  AM's comments in plain text, mine in bold, designated as "QS" (Quantum Shaman). 


AM:  Very interesting article. Although I am one of those people  who believes a minority of UFOs do have a spiritual dimension to them. And some close encounters do exhibit almost spiritual characteristics, appearing and disappearing at will, doing speeds that defy the laws of physics, not to mention those who have had the misfortune to come into contact with those supposedly piloting these craft, who have reported the smell of sulphur and an intent to harm.

QS:  The smell of sulphur.  Interesting that this is automatically associated with Biblical references to hell.  The reality of it is actually very scientific.  Sulphur can be used as a fuel or for other purposes.  It is nothing more than a chemical compound with many beneficial uses.  The fact that christianity has CREATED an association (a program) between the smell of sulphur and evil... has nothing to do with sulphur itself.  I personally associate the smell of oranges with an idyllic childhood, but that doesn't mean anyone else must AUTOMATICALLY share the same associations. Sulphur, alas, is just sulphur.

As for crafts doing inexplicable maneuvers, there's also nothing strange or even "spiritual" about that.  If the occupants have mastered the quantum universe, they will be using a form of physics that humans on Earth simply cannot (yet) wrap their minds around.  You see it as spiritual.  I see it as advanced science.  As Arthur C. Clarke once said:  "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

AM:  A person who believes in the Bible does not necessarily think that every unexplainable phenomenon must be of spiritual origin. But we think rationally. What sort of power source would be required to send a ship hundreds of light years across the galaxy? Assuming light speed is attainable, how long would such a journey take?

QS:  You may be limiting yourself by thinking in terms of a Newtonian-based physics, when in all probability, craft from other worlds will be using some manner of "quantum" propulsion - thereby bending space and time to suit their needs.  "Time" becomes irrelevant, and space that was perceived as a vast distance from a Newtonian perspective is virtually non-existent when one possesses the knowledge/technology to "warp" space.

AM:  Why would an alien civilization send a probe or a craft billions of light years to even the nearest planet, only to hover around and then disappear again just as quickly? Why no contact? And why are the only ones who claim to have been contacted by aliens the people who are already involved in the occult? And why do these beings, when contact is supposedly made, always bring a "new age" message?

QS:  Has it occurred to you that you might be asking the wrong question?  When you ask "why", you are automatically attempting to put humanform "logic" onto what might very well be an altogether alien civilization.  For all we really know, contact HAS occurred.  Maybe it hasn't happened to you or to me, but who's to say it hasn't happened to someone else?  When you say that the only ones who claim to have been contacted are those already involved in the occult... well... no offense, but that's absurd. And, for that matter, by strict definition, ANY religion is "the occult" - including Christianity.  Think about it.  It is based on the fanciful notion that a virgin was impregnated by a ghost and gave birth to a demi-god.  If that isn't straight out of Greek mythology, what is? 

My point is simply that your own belief systems are not AUTOMATICALLY "right" and all else automatically "wrong".  If you're going to be even remotely objective, Christianity, Wicca, Buddhism, Taoism, Shintoism, and all the other "isms" are largely cultural belief systems, and each and every one of them is rooted in "the occult" - because by definition, "the occult" is that which cannot be explained by rational, logical terms.  Man created religion to comfort himself - not the other way around.  God doesn't need us to worship him.  But many humans seem to need God, and so religion allows for a collective belief system wherein all those with that need can get together and say they all "feel" or "believe" the same thing.   Ultimately, it's nothing more than a collaborative comfort zone.

AM:  There is deception in the world. The theory of evolution, the new age movement, the occult and ufology are all linked.

QS:  Evolution is not a theory.  While some may argue that there is no proof that man evolved from apes, the idea of evolution itself has been proven time and again.  Species adapt and change in accordance with their environment.  If they didn't, we'd ALL be extinct.  That's hardly new age or occult.  I think you are just looking for "evil" or trying to find a comfort zone for your own beliefs.  That's okay.  But when you overlook scientific reality in favor of YOUR occult religious beliefs (christianity), then you are no less guilty than those you are accusing of doing that very thing.   So to say evolution, new age and the occult and ufology are all linked... that's just your belief system giving you feedback which you have programmed it to give to you.  Think about it.

AM:   The "aliens" always bring a new age message, never a Christian one.

QS:  Has it ever occurred to you to ask yourself why that might be?  Maybe - just maybe - all of Christianity is a fairy tale that is localized here on Earth.  I've always said that if I went to Zeta Reticuli IX and found a civilization that worshipped a man named Jesus, I MIGHT consider giving christianity another look.  But all evidence is actually AGAINST finding the same mythology on another world, so it stands to reason the "aliens" aren't bringing Christian messages.  They also aren't bringing Buddhist or Hindu or Taoist messages as far as I know.  So... I wouldn't take it personally if I were you.  Maybe the aliens just think for themselves and the "messages" they are delivering are HUMAN messages that can be accepted or rejected by humans - not based on the human's pre-existing religious beliefs, but based on an intrinsic connection to spirit (which does not belong exclusively to any religion, but to all living things).

AM:  Why do I believe God exists? Bible prophecy proves it. Look at Israel. God said in the Bible He would bring His people back to the land. And they are back.

QS:  Bible prophecy also talks about a lot of things that never happened.  The bible also suggests that we should kill all homosexuals and forbid women from having a voice.  So, that being the case, I tend to take the bible (and all other religious texts) with a large grain of salt. 

AM:  I think it's good to ask questions, don't get me wrong. But I think the Bible has the answers you are looking for.

QS: Having read the bible many times as a child and a young adult, I'd have to say that the Bible may have YOUR answers.  It does not have mine.  That's okay - you are free to believe whatever brings you comfort.  I've never been one for ignoring the question because I'm afraid of the answer.  My mother once told me, "Don't go looking for God unless you're willing to accept that you might not find him."  In other words - some people are comfortable just BELIEVING what they have read or what their pastor tells them, or what they read in books.  I'm not one of those people. I've searched for "God", and it always leads me right back to the mirror.  God is in all of us. What we DO with that is what determines what we find looking back at us in our own reflection - aliens, demons, angels, gods... or simply the human potential.

Thou Art God:  Create Yourself Accordingly
(Or at the very least, think for yourself and stop believing every little thing you hear...)

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The Medical Profession - Wankers & Bozos!

Oct. 25th, 2010 | 01:56 pm

Is it just me, or is the medical profession comprised of the biggest bunch of bozos and wankers ever to come down the sewer pipes?  Went to the doc a few weeks ago 'cuz I was having chest pains - probably related to my back, also probably related to the stress (what?  me?  stress?) that accompanies running one's own business in an economy that has been programmed to decline and continue to decline even when there is (and I quote) "not much logical reason for the continuing deterioration."  But no matter...  The world is a nuthouse and the lunatics are running the asylum, so... nothing new there. 

Chest pains, I say.  So the doc stares at me for awhile, doesn't even offer to listen to my heart to see if I'm dead or alive, then starts writing prescriptions for the most expensive drugs on the market without so much as a by-your-leave.  "You are a diabetic," he reminds me in his thick accent, as if that should explain so much for so many at a time when it seems to me that "diabetes" is the fad diagnosis of the 21st century in the same way ADHA and MPD were the fad diagnoses of the '90s.  Put another way:  he is telling me to behave like the label he has stuck to my ass, and gets uppity when I remind him that I am neither a label nor a dis-ease.  I am a person with a name and a life partner and a cat and a dog.  I am not just a "diabetic" - and with good reason - for once we become labeled by our handlers (doctors, lawyers and charlatans of all walks of life), we become to them nothing more than the label itself.  And let's face it, folks.  Diabetes is the cash cow of the decade!  Walk into any Walmart or Rite-Aid or the like, and you will find not just a small shelf of diabetis supplies, but an entire aisle consisting of a cornucopia of products designed to put a smile on any CEO's face.  So keep in mind that when your doctor tells you you're a diabetic, what he's REALLY seeing is not your potential well-being or lack thereof, but a long line of checks in the form of kickbacks from the pharmaceutical companies - who KNOWINGLY market products which have more side-effects than potential benefits.  Any doubt, do your own research.  I did - and I was appalled!


Ask your doctor. Go ahead.

Maybe it stands to reason that when I came out of a store yesterday and glanced at the newspaper racks, there was a glaring headline which read something like, "Diabetes expected to triple by the year 2050 - 1 in 3 will have the disease!"  Be afraid!  Be very afraid!  Run to the priests of the scalpel and ask your doctor about all those yummie drugs that are just as likely to kill you as to cure you.  Wear this label!  Act out your dis-ease!  Be a good patient!  Play your role!

Role.  You're in a play, you know.  We all are.   Yes, including your doctor, who probably knows a lot less about your body than you do.  A few months ago, one doc tried to schedule me for a prostate exam.  ???  That could get interesting.

 Here's the thing, folks.  And this is NOT the exception to the rule near as I can tell.  In 2004, my mother had 2 colonoscopies, both of which returned "normal" results.  She died in 2006 of colon cancer, which had been present "for years" according to the medical examiner's final report.  In 2008, my ex-husband was diagnosed with scabies (bugs, to the uninformed), and subsequently treated with expensive skin care products.  The reality?  His gall bladder was enlarged to twice its size, and gall stones had turn up the bile duct - NONE of which showed up on MRIs, blood tests, or the like. By the time he got a correct diagnosis and had the gallbladder removed, he had suffered severe damage of the bile duct, lost over 80 pounds, and was wandering around town in a confused state because of the resulting toxins which had built up in his system.  Several years ago, a good friend went to the emergency room complaining of abdominal pain so severe she couldn't stand and could barely breathe.  She was told to go home and take a laxative and an enema.  She died a week later of peritonitis, caused when her impacted bowels ruptured.

Need I continue?

Why on Earth or any other civilized planet do we trust these clowns, when it is proven time and time again that they kill more people than they cure?  Enough already!  I go in with chest pains, and the doc gives me a prescription for pain pills and muscle relaxants!  About 18 years ago, when I went in with a large lump in my breast, I was told by the first quack, "I'd recommend ignoring it for awhile and see if it goes away."  Arugh!  What?

 The bottom line is that WE give these gonzos the power of life and death over our bodies - and it's high time we stopped just buying into their sweet-scented bullshit.  So today as I was sitting in the waiting room of the lab - for over 2 hours, I might add - I found myself looking at the downtrodden, frightened people waiting to be told whether they would live or die, whether they would be asked to play the role of a Diabetic or a Heart Patient or a Cancer Victim. 

Maybe it's all just a crap shoot.  Society tells ue we will die of something, yet this is the same society that once told us the earth was flat, and at the center of the universe.  So maybe it's time we stopped buying into the programs, turn off the idiot box that keeps trying to sell us on this or that drug and encouraing us to "Ask your doctor about mycoxafloppin..." and go back to living the way nature intended:

Eat well.

Run when the lion comes out of the jungle.

Love unconditionally.

Get fucked often (and NOT by the medical profession!)

 Take back your power.



Declare open season on quacks!


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The Road Home

Jun. 16th, 2010 | 01:07 am

The road home from South Lake Tahoe to Yucca Valley often feels interminable when we make our yearly trek up into the mountains for the 2-week faire in early June. Throughout the trip this time, there was a sense of heaviness, what some might call foreboding; and though nothing untoward actually occurred, it seemed the journey was fraught with omens and images, portends and visions which played out on the mind's eye, and through the wndow of the motorhome which looked out over the Sierra Nevadas for the better part of the trip.

The mountains themselves were capped with a heavy snowpack which had begun to melt rapidly due to the warmer temperatures of the past several days. As a result, the Walker River, which had flowed at a normal pace on the journey up, was now swelled to almost capacity, and was rushing wildly through the unparalleled beauty of the forest. Ah, but what no one else seemed to notice was that some of the whitecaps were wraiths, some of their faces twisted into watery grimaces, others blank as if possessing no awareness whatsoever. Faces in the water. Men. Women. Children. Forever caught in some macabre recreation of their deaths, I presumed. Ghosts of the river. Spirits of the water. Tumbling and pitching, but always with their faces pointed in the direction of the flow, to the north or the east, depending on the bend of the river... disappearing in shafts of sunlight, becoming visible again as the bank of the river bent underneath the shade of the tall pines. "Going nowhere forever," the voice of silent knowing whispered. "Caught in the finality of their own final moments, awareness trapped in the energetic fabric of the milieu itself, like a photograph embedded on the fabric of time."

But all too soon the river was gone, left behind as we continued along the lonesome road. A dead deer alongside the road stared upward, its lifeless brown eye reflecting the sky and the clouds, eternity caught in a mirror from which all awareness had departed. I wanted to weep, yet what would have been the point. So I smiled to myself instead. appreciating for a moment whatever life the young deer had lived. Brief, but hopefully sweet. Perhaps some fresh spring grass still in his mouth to go with the clouds in his eyes. That would be nice, though I rather doubt his last moments on Earth were in any way pleasant.

Further along the highway, a dragon lay sleeping in an open meadow. Yes, a real dragon. Or so it seemed. Perhaps 50 feet long, with golden wings and a scaly brown body. Sharply pointed ears, and a lovely tail that curled around the muscular hind legs, just so. Since Wendy was driving and didn't see it, I chose to keep it to myself, making no comment. No point arguing the "reality" of dragons, for then perhaps it would have become just another odd rock formation, just an array of sharp boulders with orange flowers growing nearby to give the illusion of wings. At that moment, I did not want the illusion shattered, so I simply let it go right on being a dragon. He winked as I made the decision, and it was a silence we shared out there in the nothing. Just me and the beastie. No consensus. No agreement. No argument. Dragons are good gentles, he told me in some universal language. Keep down the human hunters and escort the souls of road-slain deer to the Otherworld in their spare time. Yes, I decided dragons are much maligned, so I said nothing of his presence. And then he, too, was gone, just another odd memory from an odd journey down an odd road somewhere at the edge of time.

Further along, near the river but not close enough to see it, a run-down trailer park looking like something out of a Stephen King novel nestled up under the trees, and four little boys ranging in age from perhaps 3-8 had stripped down to their boxers and were spraying one another with the hose. The sight was incongruous but somehow perfectly preserved like a faded photograph in an old family album. As I watched, the boys grew up, exchanged their Buster Browns for business suits, one spending too much time in jail, one becoming a successful businessman, the other two living more or less uneventful lives... then in the rearview mirror, just old men sitting in front of an abandoned trailer somewhere in the dark forest at the edge of the River Lethe. Time chewed them up, spit them back out. They never saw it coming, never felt the cold brush of death until it was upon them, never stopped to wonder what might have been different had they turned left instead of right.

It wasn't a matter of judging them, just a matter of observing what was - not just in those 4 little boys with so much potential, but in the world at large. Live the programs long enough, buy into the dictates of the foreign installation too long... and life is over before it ever begins. Yesterday we were children, the voice of silent knowing reminded. Today we are warriors. And tomorrow we will die.

What we do in the interim determines our fate.

By the time we arrived home, the sun was low on the horizon, and descending into Yucca Valley was like a homecoming that was comfortrable and yet all too disturbing. The Joshua trees were dropping their seed pods, struggling to recreate themselves. Ravens perched atop the tall telephone poles, their mouths open to shed off the approach of summer, the desert heat. Standing in the driveway after Wendy had gone inside, the world was bright with all manner of bloom: acacia tree, oleander, ocotillo, and at least 4 different colors of cactus. Life asserting itself, dancing its colorful dance... then all too quickily losing its blossoms to the unrelenting wind.

The moon was barely a sliver, a faint whisper. Venus or Jupiter dangled from the crescent like a crystal reflecting the sun.

The crack between the worlds stood open in a way I had never quite seen it before. Like a doorway from one world to another, yet both worlds were the same world except in how they are perceived. Life. Death. Breath and awareness being the only dividing line.

I breathed. An exchange of energy between the observer and the observed.

The road is behind me now. And still and always ahead.


All material in this blog (essays, rants, images, poetry, et al) is copyright © by Della Van Hise, and may not be reprinted elsewhere without the prior written permission of the author.  Quantum ShamanTM  is a trademark of QuantumShaman.ComTM and reserves all rights 

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"It's done in dreaming."

May. 5th, 2010 | 08:40 am

Throughout my journey as a warrior/seeker, there are recurring "themes" - perhaps the most common of the past few years being that of transmogrification. When we finally realize that we are beings who are going to die - really internalize that right down to the core level of the spirit - very little we think, say or do seems to matter anymore. Except one thing... preserving our awareness. Survival of the I-Am.

There are some who would say the I-Am survives regardless of the process of living and dying, but if that were the case, I rather doubt we would be imbued with the instinct to continue. One more breath. One more sunset. One more sunrise. Yes. To go on living. The physicality of it really isn't the issue. The perception of it all is.

What does this have to do with dreaming? Simply this. Over the weekend, as I was sitting in the motorhome looking out over a magnificent park under the light of a waning moon, I was filled with the thought that it's all so transient. Over the years as we've visited that same park, massive oaks have grown to maturity, died, and been replaced with young saplings. The huge stone picnic tables are taken on chips and nicks. The gopher who lives underneath the ground where our merchant booth is located has had babies several times. In all likelihood, she is long dead and her babies are having babies now.


Given enough time, even the mountains will disappear, whittled to gravel by the immortal wind. Earth. Air. Fire. Water. Spirit. The five elements of creation. The five Immortals. And each one a part of us in some manner. We are made of eternity, yet we perceive ourselves as transients. Odd, that.

So as I sat there in the darkness pondering these things, I thought again of the concept of transmogrification - the transference/transcendence of our awareness from our humanform body into our dreaming body. Almost without consciously directing it, I heard myself ask Orlando, "Okay, what does it look like? How is it done? What is the procedure which would bring this state of being into Be-ing?"

His answer was immediate and succinct. "It's done in dreaming."

For the next two hours, a dialogue ensued which focused mainly on the feel of this type of dreaming. It's not a technique we might master. To think so would only be the height of ego, the grandstanding of pure ego. It's not some clever manipulation of energy dependent on some bit of yada we read in a book somewhere. It's not even a case of lucidity in dreaming.

These things Orlando explained first - because the bottom line with us humans is that we are so steeped in our programs (yes, even and especially our "warrior" programs) that we can't feel the forest because we're too busy trying to *see* the trees.

"In dreaming," Orlando explained as a large owl perched in the tree just above the motorhome and sang her lonesome song, "the mind doesn't question what just is. It simply does the impossible and accepts it as ordinary, and in doing so a new reality is created wherein actions such as flying or reading with your eyes closed or breathing underwater are merely aspects of your inventory, other abilities you may possess when your mind can allow it."

I thought about that for a long time that night, realizing that it would also include this seemingly mysterious act of transmogrification - which I personally believe is what the Tenant accomplished. If the myths are true (a big if, of course), s/he lives a relatively normal human life, with the grand exception that s/he is immortal, can apparently take any form/gender, and experiences a seamless awareness spanning centuries into the past, and who nows how far into the future? A being who was once a transient organic, transformed by will (dreaming?) into an inorganic awareness.

After being on this path for so many years (a lifetime, actually), I have observed that no matter how impeccable we may be in our ordinary tonal lives, we are nonetheless affected by the humanform programs (which may well be hardwired into the DNA at some level), so whenever we are in waking awareness, there are things we simply cannot do which we would do easily in dreaming. Let's just talk about flying for a moment. In dreaming, we lift our feet off the ground, experience a profound moment of awe/ecstasy, and wonder how the hell we forgot how to do that. Maybe the experience propels us into lucidity, maybe not. But in dreaming, we accept without question that we can fly, whereas that really doesn't appear to be possible in ordinary awareness. Oh, someone is sure to say that monks in dank monasteries may levitate or float a coconut for the amusement of curious bystanders, but when that same monk goes soaring over London or Toronto, I do hope someone with a cell phone cam will snap a pic and post it on this forum... because even if "levitation" may be a reality, it's a far cry from what we can do in Dreaming.

So... of course the question turns to this. Even if we CAN fly in our dreams, we don't seem to be able to bring that ability into our waking awareness. So how would achieving the state of transmogrification be any different? Well, that's a work in progress. My sense of it as I sat there looking out over that magickal park in the middle of the night was that the act of transferring our awareness into our dreaming body would quite likely transcend ALL levels of awareness. Put another way, we would wake up inside the dreaming body and life would continue as before (or not) depending entirely on the intent/will of the warrior/seeker.

Ah well. As I said... a work in progress. Some stray thoughts on a magnificent morning while the quail are talking quietly among themselves at the pond, the weenie dog is sleeping in my lap, and the cat is preening in the window.


All material in this blog (essays, rants, images, poetry, et al) is copyright © by Della Van Hise, and may not be reprinted elsewhere without the prior written permission of the author.  Quantum ShamanTM  is a trademark of QuantumShaman.ComTM and reserves all rights 

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Believe No Thing

Apr. 10th, 2010 | 02:07 pm

The good thing about tasks is that they are finite.

I had originally thought to simply walk away from this phase of my life - what I might call "The Internet Toltec Years" - but after considerable private deliberation, multiple conversations with Mel, Fox, Dan, Wendy, Crystal, Vicky W. and others, combined with input from Orlando... I find myself compelled to say a few words about absolutely nothing of importance, but nonetheless stuff that needs to be laid to rest, for myself if nothing else. If this posts makes no sense to you, then it is not meant for you. If it angers you or strokes that raw nerve you've been cultivating for just such occasions, best ask yourself why.

I will start with this: it was spring of 2000 when I first began putting my website together. It was at the urging of Orlando and one of my mentors that I initially decided to launch the site and, subsequently, my first forum. I was told by Orlando at the time, "You will do this for 5 years with great enthusiasm, and for another 5 years with less than great enthusiasm, but it is important that you complete the task." It was also made clear to me that the next 10 years would result in the loss of longstanding "friendships", the turning upside down of my personal life, and essentially the rearranging of everything I had ever held to be true. I must confess I didn't really believe the warnings at the time - but they have turned out to be accurate, and to a far greater extent than I ever could have imagined.

Over the years, when I would question Orlando about this task, he would consistently give two somewhat different but related answers. 1) "The task is for your own assimilation - it is how you will formulate and test your foundation." And 2) "You will meet people from whom you will learn, and people whom you will teach."

Personally, I think that's true for all of us, and I've learned a great deal from the past 10 years of being involved in the Toltec community. And yet, I never wanted to be anyone's teacher - largely because it's obvious to me that most people already think they know everything, and will fight to the death to prove it. Perpetual teenagers, IOW. There's a reason I never had kids - never wanted the headache of trying to raise them. LOL. They will rationalize and attempt to justify their belief systems by making up new rules as they go along. "We are already Buddhas." That's always good for a laugh. Somehow, I don't think Buddha became Buddha by sitting in a chatroom. He did the work. Imagine that! Another good one I've heard repeatedly is, "There's no such thing as enlightenment." (Of course not - state your limitation and you own it.) And the old standby... "It's all good."

Is it? Really? Or is that just the rhetoric one feeds oneself to avoid the necessity of doing anything that might involve walking away from the computer, turning off the television, stopping the internal dialog that's patting you on the back for your latest clever sarcasm, and actually doing something real.

Cyberspace is an illusion, folks. If you think otherwise, you're heading for one helluva disappointment. Many of the people you think you're talking to don't even exist, but are only sock puppets and avatars. False projections and hollow echoes. Sure, I've owned a sock puppet or two over the years, mainly as a way to get honest reactions from people, as opposed to the shallow BS some tend to spew when they think it's "Big Bad Della" to whom they're speaking. It's the art of stalking - becoming someone or something else for a brief time to see how different the world looks through those eyes. Very eye-opening, to be sure. People say the damndest things when they believe they are talking to a sympathetic stranger - particularly when they believe that 'stranger' might be someone they can seduce into their camp.

Fascinating. I've been in chat rooms under the guise of some anonymous participant and seen myself (and most of you as well) raked over the proverbial coals by a bunch of Don Juannabes who seem to believe their opinion matters to the world at large. Beliefs and rumors are spewed forth in the guise of truth, when the reality is that it's all just a bunch of pixels in cyberspace, solid as a fart. Hot air. The rendered essence of pure bullshit. Amazing.

What I've always found interesting is that very few of those chatroom participants ever bother to even question those doing the spewing. Like zombies, they sit there and smile and nod, contented bobbleheads who seem to think they're being privvy to some inside scoop about someone else, when the reality is that the accusations and the defamations being dished out are usually filtered through a hefty dose of booze or speed or just plain old ego - the need to feel important at someone else's expense. Nothing new there, of course. I've seen fanciful accounts about how this one or that one "knows Della"... when the reality is that you only know of a stalker what a stalker wants you to know. You only see what a stalker allows you to see, and if you were truly a *seer*, you would already know that and save yourselves the embarrassment of trying to pretend you "know" me. People thought they knew Carlos, too. Though I seriously doubt anyone really did.

So, yet again, the ultimate lesson appears to be quite simple: the world is a nuthouse and the lunatics are running the asylum. To what end? you might ask. For what purpose?

Simple. It is the dictate of the foreign installation. Protect the status quo at all costs. Maintain the illusion. Service the machine.

But let's get real, people. If you're not Neo, you're Agent Smith. There's really not a lot of middle ground. You're either fighting FOR freedom, or fighting against it. You're either a warrior or a phantom. Pick one. Stand on your own two feet and stop trying to step all over mine. Be who YOU are and stop worrying about who **I** am. If that's too hard, then you need to go back to square one.

Nobody cares, of course. Life goes on. In a million years it won't make any difference. And that's a good thing.

So in December of 2009, I took a step back, did the math (took all 10 fingers but I managed), and breathed a sigh of relief to realize that the 10 year task would officially end in April of 2010. I have come to realize that Knowledge is limitless but my own patience for disseminating it isn't. I've said all I need to say on the subject - and most of it is archived here at TSW, or on my website. My own assimilation is finished - at least as much as can be accomplished through the written word, on forums, and the internet in general. The foundation which was formed during the first 44 years of my life has been tested for 10 years now, and I am pleased to realize that although it has gone through a few changes and revisions, the basic foundation has held against every onslaught, every naysayer, every heckler, every stalker, every bliss ninnie, every sock puppet, and every phantom who has held out their hand, saying, "Come with us, back to Ixtlan."

In hindsight, I have come to see that the task was the test and the test was the task. I've met some phenomenal warriors and some phenomenal phantoms. And I would like to thank each and every one of them. I mean that sincerely. Yes, even the petty tyrants and the snipers. Thank you for your role in helping me to test my foundation. But now we're finished.

Part of a warrior's task is also knowing when it is time to move forward - beyond the gaming environs, and into the unknown. Part of the task is knowing when relationships have run their course, and when it is time to release our attachments to others so as to continue our own path toward freedom. Part of the task is also learning to recognize that there are no final solutions. New clinical studies have proven there are no answers. And, that being the case, the ultimate test is knowing when to look into oneself for The Way and stop trying to place the blame or the credit on your latest guru, guidance counselor, life coach or soccer coach. You won't get where you're going by standing on the shoulders of Castaneda or anyone else. And you won't get there by grinding anyone else into the mud, either. That ain't how it's done.

I've heard it said recently that, "There are a lot of people who don't like you, Della." Good. If I were here for a popularity contest, I'd be a helluva lot more 'pleasant' and play all the games phantoms want to play. I'd talk about recipes and flowers. I'd sit in chat rooms and gossip from dawn till dusk. I'd form agreements and consensuses and upload them as convenient belief systems with no regard for their veracity. I'd be your friend and tell you you're right even when we both know you're dead wrong. I'd kiss your ass and stab you in the back with a smile. And yet, I cannot nurture your weaknesses and, in doing so, deny your strengths. If you want someone to tell you what you want to hear, ask your hooker or your dog.

I'm not a nice person and never pretended to be. I didn't come on the internet looking for friends. I came to share my story and, in the process, to test my foundation. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I cannot be who you want me to be because I can only be myself. Put another way, I cannot be lured, cajoled or hammered by phantoms on the road to Ixtlan who say, "Come play with us. All you have to do is to renounce who and what you are... come play with us..." And, yes, that very invitation was extended to me just this week. "Come play with us. Come be one of us."

Why on Earth or any other planet would I want to?

I don't WANT to be a phantom, forming agreements with other phantoms just to create and inhabit comfort zones. For at the end of that day (and the next day and that other day and the day after that), what is really accomplished? Where is the forward motion on one's own path? Where is the work on the Self when one's sole focus is rooted in agreements with strangers we've never met and never will? What is accomplished if 10 people in a cyberlounge decide to agree that Suarez is authentic and Gomez is self-righteous and Smith is a false prophet and Jesse Jackson is the second incarnation of Juan Gonzalez?

Millions of people once agreed that the flat earth was at the center of the universe. They believed it. The church sanctioned it. All the world said amen.

And none of it had anything to do with reality.

What you believe about someone or something may have no basis in reality either, but if you believe it long enough, one thing is certain: it will blind you to whatever truth lies beyond the veil of your false beliefs. But no matter. Easier to believe than to do the work required to Know. It's up to you.

Agreements. Belief systems. Comfort zones. The stock in trade of the internet. The unreal estate of PhantomHood. You protect my status quo and I'll protect yours. We'll even agree that anyone who threatens that status quo is a fraud, a liar and a charlatan... yup that's the story and we're stickin' to it.

Sorry. No.

You have to decide. Do you want to hang out on the internet pretending to do the work, or do you want to DO the work? Do you want to listen to gossip and enter into a consensus with others desperately seeking such a consensus, or do you want to open your eyes and take a look around you. Do you know who you are, or are you only an extension of those around you, a mouthpiece of the foreign installation? Who are you without your agreements?

Easy enough to shovel these words under the rug like so much dog shit. And that's exactly what they are. Heh. Like I said in the beginning, nothing of importance here. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. Seriously. Why are you still reading? Go! Run! Death is stalking you. You don't have time for this! You don't have time to sit there planning your clever response. If you think any of this matters, go straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200 - you're learned nothing. Time to get a clue, get a life, grab an afterlife, and wake up. No one can do it for you.

Someone said to me today, "Why do you care what someone else thinks of you?"

I don't. What someone THINKS about me is really not my problem. What I DO care about is when the phantoms start demanding that I deny who I am just so they can feel more comfortable. What I DO care about is when those same phantoms essentially decide that if I don't renounce my identity, they will hound and heckle until I do. After awhile, it's just plain tedious. And silly. And revealing.

I-Am. Just me.

It's pretty simple folks. If you don't like what I have to say, change the channel. If you think someone is a fraud or a saint based on what you heard in a chatroom, shame on you for not thinking for yourself. If you believe for a moment that the agreements you form in cyberspace are going to save you from the Eagle at the moment of your death... you go right on believing.

Who or what **I** am matters not one bit. If you think it does, then you are living the lie, just another Agent Smith servicing the cogs of the machine. It's who YOU are that matters. Until you see that, you do not really see.

The task is completed. My work here is done.

Believe nothing. Follow no one. Fare well.
All material in this blog (essays, rants, images, poetry, et al) is copyright © by Della Van Hise, and may not be reprinted elsewhere without the prior written permission of the author.  Quantum ShamanTM  is a trademark of QuantumShaman.ComTM and reserves all rights 

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