?

Log in

Believe No Thing

« previous entry | next entry »
Apr. 10th, 2010 | 02:07 pm


The good thing about tasks is that they are finite.

I had originally thought to simply walk away from this phase of my life - what I might call "The Internet Toltec Years" - but after considerable private deliberation, multiple conversations with Mel, Fox, Dan, Wendy, Crystal, Vicky W. and others, combined with input from Orlando... I find myself compelled to say a few words about absolutely nothing of importance, but nonetheless stuff that needs to be laid to rest, for myself if nothing else. If this posts makes no sense to you, then it is not meant for you. If it angers you or strokes that raw nerve you've been cultivating for just such occasions, best ask yourself why.

I will start with this: it was spring of 2000 when I first began putting my website together. It was at the urging of Orlando and one of my mentors that I initially decided to launch the site and, subsequently, my first forum. I was told by Orlando at the time, "You will do this for 5 years with great enthusiasm, and for another 5 years with less than great enthusiasm, but it is important that you complete the task." It was also made clear to me that the next 10 years would result in the loss of longstanding "friendships", the turning upside down of my personal life, and essentially the rearranging of everything I had ever held to be true. I must confess I didn't really believe the warnings at the time - but they have turned out to be accurate, and to a far greater extent than I ever could have imagined.

Over the years, when I would question Orlando about this task, he would consistently give two somewhat different but related answers. 1) "The task is for your own assimilation - it is how you will formulate and test your foundation." And 2) "You will meet people from whom you will learn, and people whom you will teach."

Personally, I think that's true for all of us, and I've learned a great deal from the past 10 years of being involved in the Toltec community. And yet, I never wanted to be anyone's teacher - largely because it's obvious to me that most people already think they know everything, and will fight to the death to prove it. Perpetual teenagers, IOW. There's a reason I never had kids - never wanted the headache of trying to raise them. LOL. They will rationalize and attempt to justify their belief systems by making up new rules as they go along. "We are already Buddhas." That's always good for a laugh. Somehow, I don't think Buddha became Buddha by sitting in a chatroom. He did the work. Imagine that! Another good one I've heard repeatedly is, "There's no such thing as enlightenment." (Of course not - state your limitation and you own it.) And the old standby... "It's all good."

Is it? Really? Or is that just the rhetoric one feeds oneself to avoid the necessity of doing anything that might involve walking away from the computer, turning off the television, stopping the internal dialog that's patting you on the back for your latest clever sarcasm, and actually doing something real.

Cyberspace is an illusion, folks. If you think otherwise, you're heading for one helluva disappointment. Many of the people you think you're talking to don't even exist, but are only sock puppets and avatars. False projections and hollow echoes. Sure, I've owned a sock puppet or two over the years, mainly as a way to get honest reactions from people, as opposed to the shallow BS some tend to spew when they think it's "Big Bad Della" to whom they're speaking. It's the art of stalking - becoming someone or something else for a brief time to see how different the world looks through those eyes. Very eye-opening, to be sure. People say the damndest things when they believe they are talking to a sympathetic stranger - particularly when they believe that 'stranger' might be someone they can seduce into their camp.

Fascinating. I've been in chat rooms under the guise of some anonymous participant and seen myself (and most of you as well) raked over the proverbial coals by a bunch of Don Juannabes who seem to believe their opinion matters to the world at large. Beliefs and rumors are spewed forth in the guise of truth, when the reality is that it's all just a bunch of pixels in cyberspace, solid as a fart. Hot air. The rendered essence of pure bullshit. Amazing.

What I've always found interesting is that very few of those chatroom participants ever bother to even question those doing the spewing. Like zombies, they sit there and smile and nod, contented bobbleheads who seem to think they're being privvy to some inside scoop about someone else, when the reality is that the accusations and the defamations being dished out are usually filtered through a hefty dose of booze or speed or just plain old ego - the need to feel important at someone else's expense. Nothing new there, of course. I've seen fanciful accounts about how this one or that one "knows Della"... when the reality is that you only know of a stalker what a stalker wants you to know. You only see what a stalker allows you to see, and if you were truly a *seer*, you would already know that and save yourselves the embarrassment of trying to pretend you "know" me. People thought they knew Carlos, too. Though I seriously doubt anyone really did.

So, yet again, the ultimate lesson appears to be quite simple: the world is a nuthouse and the lunatics are running the asylum. To what end? you might ask. For what purpose?

Simple. It is the dictate of the foreign installation. Protect the status quo at all costs. Maintain the illusion. Service the machine.

But let's get real, people. If you're not Neo, you're Agent Smith. There's really not a lot of middle ground. You're either fighting FOR freedom, or fighting against it. You're either a warrior or a phantom. Pick one. Stand on your own two feet and stop trying to step all over mine. Be who YOU are and stop worrying about who **I** am. If that's too hard, then you need to go back to square one.

Nobody cares, of course. Life goes on. In a million years it won't make any difference. And that's a good thing.

So in December of 2009, I took a step back, did the math (took all 10 fingers but I managed), and breathed a sigh of relief to realize that the 10 year task would officially end in April of 2010. I have come to realize that Knowledge is limitless but my own patience for disseminating it isn't. I've said all I need to say on the subject - and most of it is archived here at TSW, or on my website. My own assimilation is finished - at least as much as can be accomplished through the written word, on forums, and the internet in general. The foundation which was formed during the first 44 years of my life has been tested for 10 years now, and I am pleased to realize that although it has gone through a few changes and revisions, the basic foundation has held against every onslaught, every naysayer, every heckler, every stalker, every bliss ninnie, every sock puppet, and every phantom who has held out their hand, saying, "Come with us, back to Ixtlan."

In hindsight, I have come to see that the task was the test and the test was the task. I've met some phenomenal warriors and some phenomenal phantoms. And I would like to thank each and every one of them. I mean that sincerely. Yes, even the petty tyrants and the snipers. Thank you for your role in helping me to test my foundation. But now we're finished.

Part of a warrior's task is also knowing when it is time to move forward - beyond the gaming environs, and into the unknown. Part of the task is knowing when relationships have run their course, and when it is time to release our attachments to others so as to continue our own path toward freedom. Part of the task is also learning to recognize that there are no final solutions. New clinical studies have proven there are no answers. And, that being the case, the ultimate test is knowing when to look into oneself for The Way and stop trying to place the blame or the credit on your latest guru, guidance counselor, life coach or soccer coach. You won't get where you're going by standing on the shoulders of Castaneda or anyone else. And you won't get there by grinding anyone else into the mud, either. That ain't how it's done.

I've heard it said recently that, "There are a lot of people who don't like you, Della." Good. If I were here for a popularity contest, I'd be a helluva lot more 'pleasant' and play all the games phantoms want to play. I'd talk about recipes and flowers. I'd sit in chat rooms and gossip from dawn till dusk. I'd form agreements and consensuses and upload them as convenient belief systems with no regard for their veracity. I'd be your friend and tell you you're right even when we both know you're dead wrong. I'd kiss your ass and stab you in the back with a smile. And yet, I cannot nurture your weaknesses and, in doing so, deny your strengths. If you want someone to tell you what you want to hear, ask your hooker or your dog.

I'm not a nice person and never pretended to be. I didn't come on the internet looking for friends. I came to share my story and, in the process, to test my foundation. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I cannot be who you want me to be because I can only be myself. Put another way, I cannot be lured, cajoled or hammered by phantoms on the road to Ixtlan who say, "Come play with us. All you have to do is to renounce who and what you are... come play with us..." And, yes, that very invitation was extended to me just this week. "Come play with us. Come be one of us."

Why on Earth or any other planet would I want to?

I don't WANT to be a phantom, forming agreements with other phantoms just to create and inhabit comfort zones. For at the end of that day (and the next day and that other day and the day after that), what is really accomplished? Where is the forward motion on one's own path? Where is the work on the Self when one's sole focus is rooted in agreements with strangers we've never met and never will? What is accomplished if 10 people in a cyberlounge decide to agree that Suarez is authentic and Gomez is self-righteous and Smith is a false prophet and Jesse Jackson is the second incarnation of Juan Gonzalez?

Millions of people once agreed that the flat earth was at the center of the universe. They believed it. The church sanctioned it. All the world said amen.

And none of it had anything to do with reality.

What you believe about someone or something may have no basis in reality either, but if you believe it long enough, one thing is certain: it will blind you to whatever truth lies beyond the veil of your false beliefs. But no matter. Easier to believe than to do the work required to Know. It's up to you.

Agreements. Belief systems. Comfort zones. The stock in trade of the internet. The unreal estate of PhantomHood. You protect my status quo and I'll protect yours. We'll even agree that anyone who threatens that status quo is a fraud, a liar and a charlatan... yup that's the story and we're stickin' to it.

Sorry. No.

You have to decide. Do you want to hang out on the internet pretending to do the work, or do you want to DO the work? Do you want to listen to gossip and enter into a consensus with others desperately seeking such a consensus, or do you want to open your eyes and take a look around you. Do you know who you are, or are you only an extension of those around you, a mouthpiece of the foreign installation? Who are you without your agreements?

Easy enough to shovel these words under the rug like so much dog shit. And that's exactly what they are. Heh. Like I said in the beginning, nothing of importance here. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. Seriously. Why are you still reading? Go! Run! Death is stalking you. You don't have time for this! You don't have time to sit there planning your clever response. If you think any of this matters, go straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200 - you're learned nothing. Time to get a clue, get a life, grab an afterlife, and wake up. No one can do it for you.

Someone said to me today, "Why do you care what someone else thinks of you?"

I don't. What someone THINKS about me is really not my problem. What I DO care about is when the phantoms start demanding that I deny who I am just so they can feel more comfortable. What I DO care about is when those same phantoms essentially decide that if I don't renounce my identity, they will hound and heckle until I do. After awhile, it's just plain tedious. And silly. And revealing.

I-Am. Just me.

It's pretty simple folks. If you don't like what I have to say, change the channel. If you think someone is a fraud or a saint based on what you heard in a chatroom, shame on you for not thinking for yourself. If you believe for a moment that the agreements you form in cyberspace are going to save you from the Eagle at the moment of your death... you go right on believing.

Who or what **I** am matters not one bit. If you think it does, then you are living the lie, just another Agent Smith servicing the cogs of the machine. It's who YOU are that matters. Until you see that, you do not really see.

The task is completed. My work here is done.

Believe nothing. Follow no one. Fare well.
       
All material in this blog (essays, rants, images, poetry, et al) is copyright © by Della Van Hise, and may not be reprinted elsewhere without the prior written permission of the author.  Quantum ShamanTM  is a trademark of QuantumShaman.ComTM and reserves all rights 

Link | Leave a comment | Share

Comments {0}