Quantum Shaman (tm)

 

"You will go to the Special Hell, which is reserved for child molestors and people who talk at the theater." (Shepherd Book, FIREFLY)

One of my favorite quotes, particularly in light of an experience yesterday afternoon. Wendy and I had taken a rare afternoon off and went to see STATE OF PLAY - the new Russell Crowe flick, which had been touted as an "edge of your seat thriller." Cool. My kind of movie. So I snuggled down with my popcorn in the comfort of the air conditioned theater, prepared to be transported into some otherworld of political intrigue, murder, mystery and just a bit of mayhem. Cool.

When the previews started, I thought at first there was a hisssss in the soundtrack. Intermittent. "Sssss. Ss. Ssss. Ssssssssss."

Annoying. But, hey, it's an older theater. Just part of the experience, I figured at first.

"Ssss. Ss. Sssssssssss. Ss."

By the time the second preview splashed up on the screen, however, the hissing had become louder, more distinct, and now there could be no mistaking its origins. Two rows back and to the left, two women in their 40s were carrying on a gabfest. Now the Ssss ss ssssss had turned to "He'ssssssssss a real piesssssssssssse of work and sssssssssssheeeeeeeee had to know about his misssstressssss, sssssssoooo...blada blada yada yada."

No attempt to be quiet. But I figured, okay, it's just the previews, so certainly these two old friends will have the good sense to shut it once the main feature starts. So I snuggled down further into my seat and munched a bit louder on my popcorn - turning occasionally to give them a stern look of the type I normally reserve for my weenie dog when she's just peed on the rug. The house lights were still on. Our eyes met. There was no mistaking the message.

So now the feature starts.

"How come she's standing so close to the edge?" one of the women asks the other, in a conversational tone.

"Oh, I think she's going to jump," the other replies.

By now, other patrons in the theater have made the usual shushing sounds, the loud clearing of the male throat - the silverback asserting his dominance from the back row.

A few minutes of silence. Ben Affleck is getting choked up 'cuz his mistress got whacked. Real tears. Cool. I love to see a strong man cry.

"You think he'ssssss behind it?"

"Oh, I'm sssssssssssure of it!"

By this time, another patron has gone to Home Depot for some duct tape, and even Russell Crowe is getting pissed off. Management has seemingly refused to get involved (?????) and while it would be an option to get up and leave, get a rain check and call it quits... there is the matter of the air conditioned theater (it was 105 outside), the popcorn, and the refreshing soda, which required only a small second mortgage to procure the medium size.

Can't really say if the movie was any good or not. By the time it ended, I found myself rising from my seat as if possessed by the spirit of Someone Else, walking up to the two ladies, and saying to the primary instigator, "Next time you want to narrate an entire movie, why not stay home and do it from your own living room?"

I was calm. Never raised my voice. Wendy giggled a bit. Other patrons made the usual grunts of agreement, but were too 'polite' to harpoon the culprits.

The woman with her nicely pedicured toes and her face stretched too tight from one too many Palm Springs plastic surgeries, had the audacity to appear shocked. Maybe even fearful. She drew back. Batted her eyes. Clutched her Gucci bag to her chest.

It was the only time she was silent - while the end credits were rolling and the other patrons were filing out of the theater grumbling under their breath.



Okay... what this brings me to is the subject of The World At Large. Entitlement. Inefficiency. And, in another manner of speaking, The Tolerance We Are Required To Possess For Idjits and Princesses.

Heh.

At the risk of sounding old, this kind of behaviour wouldn't have been tolerated just a few short years ago. An usher would have been called in (and I do know that at least one patron went and complained about the two hissing whisperers), and they would have been told to shut it or shown the exit. Simple. Now? Everybody's so terrified of everybody else that they 'don't want to get involved'. We put up with the screaming toddler in the grocery store, when it's obvious that the mother is just too busy to be bothered to discipline her little Chuck Manson clone. Wouldn't want to squelch his creativity, after all, for he might have a future as a heavy metal star and that screaming is just practice for his career. And aside from that, Mama may have an AK 47 in her purse and PMS to go with it. Don't want to get involved in that, so let the kid scream and throw peanut butter jars on the floor until it looks like a herd of Rottweilers crept in and crapped all up and down the snack aisle.

Gotta say... I don't get it.

I picked up the phone this morning to place an order with one of our suppliers. Got the voice mail of my "representative". Tried the operator. Was routed to a different rep. Got her voice mail, too. Back to the operator. Routed to a third rep. Yup, you guessed it. Voice mail. This happened a total of 6 times before I finally hung up after making a point to tell the operator that I wouldn't be ordering from their company in the future, because this isn't a fluke. It is the norm. "Can I have someone call you back?" she asked. When I told her I had left 4 messages in the past month and not once had anyone called me back. she replied with the usual rhetoric, "Have a nice day." The program defaulting into itself when the organism does not possess the skills to forward think or even improvise.

Now, I'd love to think all these lovely folks are really busy, or on the phone with other customers, but the reality of it is that they're usually out on the back docks smoking a joint or shooting the shit. Work? What's that?

Used to be I could log in to my Yahoo account, just to pick on those folks as an example which would include just about any and all internet sites these days, and after a simple username and password entry, go on with my business. Now, it seems I am being asked for the launch codes to Norad and the secret password for Mr. Obama's private bathroom every time I go on the internet. There are viruses out to get me, I'm told, yet when I stop to think about it, the ONLY people who would benefit from these evil 'viruses' are the folks who sell the 'cure', so it stands to reason that the virus companies are writing the viruses and the pharmaceutical companies are heavily invested in keeping us sick as opposed to making us better, for when you really REALLY stop to think about it, most of these pills-for-yer-ills aren't short-term agreements any longer, but something you are expected to take for the rest of your life. Cars exist which can run efficiently on water, yet they will never be manufactured and sold for as long as the oil companies are running the show. We go to work to make money to pay for the car to drive to work...

And sure, I've said all of this before in one manner or another, but from time to time when things are particularly screwy, I like to stop and remind myself that the world really is a nuthouse and the lunatics really are running the asylum. I have some vague notion that it wasn't always like that. Or at the very least, it wasn't always that bad. When I was a kid, if you disrespected a teacher in school, you weren't dragged off to the doctor, diagnosed with ADHD, and put on meds for the rest of your life. You got a lecture from the principal, a good solid spanking from your parents, and instead of being rewarded with special attention for your special needs, you were shipped off to school again the next day, knowing that if you did it again, the consequences would be even more unpleasant and your ass would be stinging for 3 days instead of the usual 1.5.

Consequences.

Interesting concept.

Maybe that's what's wrong with this world. There are seemingly less and less consequences to the stupid actions of stupid humans. Corporations run themselves into the ground by paying multi-million dollar bonuses to their CEOs, then when they get bailed out by Big Daddy, they turn right around and start it all over again, having learned nothing. Someone is always there holding the net, it seems. Reminds me of some old friends of mine - never had to work a day in their lives, because someone was always there to pick them up when they fell. Crash the car in a drunken stupor, daddy will always buy you a new one. Can't pay your rent? Call daddy. No food in the house? Mooch off of friends until Daddy gets back from the Bahamas and sends another check.

Makes me wonder whatever happened to the idea of responsibility vs. consequences. When I left home at the age of 17, it was with the knowledge that there was no net, and no one to pick me up and dust me off if I took a header. If I couldn't pay the rent, I'd have to live in my car. And if I didn't make the car payment, I'd be on the street. Strong incentive. For that, I thank my mom, who had the good sense to tell me, "When you leave the nest, the road rolls up behind you and there's no coming home except for Christmas, Thanksgiving and Mother's Day." Heh. And she meant it - with love.

Ah well... suffice it to say I look at the world of today from time to time, at the actions and inactions of phantoms, and I really have to wonder where it's all headed. To my perception, it's no wonder the economy is in the shitter. Just in my small corner of the world, it seems that when I try to place an order, everyone is either "on a break", or "out of the office" or "busy helping other customers"... and then the boss wonders why there's no $$$ coming in, no orders going out, and a bunch of freeloaders hanging out on the back dock cashing a pay check. No different at that level than at the highest levels of corporate. Everybody seems to think they're entitled to be paid for work they don't do, bailed out of their own shit by the kindness of strangers, and handsomly compensated for irreparable incompetence.

What to do?

I'd love to say, "Not my problem," but the reality is that it becomes my problem when the buck stops here. This morning alone, I had to personally call the owner of the company I was trying to order from, just to inform him that out of 6 "sales reps", it seems to be impossible to place an order. Had to call a major internet provider to find out why "your password and user name are invalid", when they are the same password & user name I've been using for over 10 years. Turns out it was "a glitch" - otherwise known as human incompetence, which almost always gets blamed on "a glitch" in some computer somewhere. It's always 'computer error' or 'a server is down' or 'there has been an electronic malfunction'.

Computers don't make mistakes. Humans make mistakes. Computers only do what they are told to do, unless they are a Hal 9000, in which case we are all irreparably fucked and will be flushed out the airlock at any moment... but somehow I don't think that's the case.

Human error.

Human incompetence.

The folly of phantoms.

Sure, someone will certainly throw out the old cliche, "Well, Della, we ALL make mistakes." Absolutely true! We all make mistakes. But the difference between an impeccable warrior and a phantom is that warriors will USUALLY take responsibility for the consequences of their errors, because that really IS the learning process. If we just keep making the same mistakes, it's no longer "a glitch", but has become a habit and a way of life... in which case, there will be consequences.

Which brings me right back to the beginning...

 

"You will go to the Special Hell, which is reserved for child molestors and people who talk at the theater." (Shepherd Book, FIREFLY)

Have a nice day.

       
All material in this blog (essays, rants, images, poetry, et al) is copyright © by Della Van Hise, and may not be reprinted elsewhere without the prior written permission of the author.  Quantum Shaman^TM  is a trademark of QuantumShaman.Com^TM and reserves all rights 

I have largely come to the conclusion that abdicating from the world of matter and men may be the very best thing a warrior can do - though I am fairly certain many here will disagree at some level.  And yet...

Several years ago, it began to occur to me that I had essentially become segregated from the world and, as a result, from most people.  At first, I experienced a small amount of alarm at this realization - I have no friends by the traditional definition, no social groups with whom I interact regularly (or even irregularly), nor do I watch television, listen to the radio, or go to church.  My initial reaction to that observation was to scold myself - "Self, you've become a hermit!  Not only do you not HAVE any friends, you do not appear to MISS having friends!"

And yet...

When I was brutally honest with myself, I also came to realize that this seemingly "sad" state of affairs had been arrived at solely through my own choices AND my own desires.  And, perhaps worst of all, I was and AM quite content with this. In other words, it wasn't that I had "lost" all my friends, or even lost interest in the world at large.  More accurately, I have found that once a warrior sees through the illusions, delusions, political dramas, world wars, pseudo-terrorism, economic crises and the like, the warrior has a tendency to end up living somewhere in an isolated environment, not unlike don Juan and his little shack in the desert.  And, in my opinion, that is a good thing in the grand scheme of things if one is truly serious about BE-ING a warrior, as opposed to just talking like a warrior.

I can honestly say that I would know nothing of the current economic crisis (oh, those fearful words!) if others had not brought it to my attention.  That's one of the perks of not being plugged into the consensus reality through the comforting teat of the terror-tube.  Gives new meaning to the old cliche - "What we don't know won't hurt us."  *heh*  And, again, I'm fairly certain many here will raise the argument of "Forearmed is forearmed," or something to the effect...

And yet...

Over the past year, our business has continued to do well, even though we are what might be called a "luxury"-based business - IOW, the things we sell are definitely NOT essentials.  Clothing, jewelry, little indulgences for the kiddies... absolutely nothing of value whatsoever.  And obviously, those are the types of business which are the first to fail in a bad economy.

So I ask myself... to what extent does my own mindset contribute to all of this?  In other words, had I been more aware of "The Economic Crisis" (be afraid, be very afraid), is it possible that my own fears would have caused me to take a different course of action, and perhaps ended up thwarting myself in the process?  For example, a lot of our acquaintances in the business have said they "cannot afford to restock" because they are essentially hoarding what little money they make for "survival".  On the other hand, Wendy and I have restocked freely over the past few months (even moreso than usual, it seems), and as a result, we have the merchandise to offer to customers, whereas our competitors may be beginning to appear shopworn - IOW, victims of their own fears.  By failing to restock, a self-fulfilling prophecy comes into being... and I have to wonder if it ever would have happened in that manner had they NOT been so keenly aware of that Economic Crisis (be afraid, be very VERY afraid!)

We like to tell ourselves that awareness is always the key - and, indeed, that is a true statement.  And yet... when stalking the consensus reality, it certainly seems to me that there are times when one simply needs to walk away from the fear, turn a deaf ear to the blathering media, ignore all the predictions of doom and gloom by the analysts, and simply DO the right thing in whatever one's individual position might be.  It's when we start living in fear that we start hoarding - so the seeds for next year's harvest may be squirreled away for times of famine, and one has to ask, is the famine even REAL at the level where we ourselves exist? And if the seeds are never planted, where will next year's crops come from?

I've said before, with regard to politics, that I no longer vote, nor do I give a fat rat's patootie about who will end up in the white house in November.  It isn't because I am an irresponsible fuck that I walked away from all of that - it's BECAUSE of the warrior-stalker's ever-present awareness, the brutal knowledge that my vote is not going to change the world, nor is yours.  Idealistically, it could be argued otherwise.  But reality has proven otherwise just within the past few years - i.e., the guy who actually WON the last election was shoved aside when the electoral college (aka "The Fixers") were called in to clean up the mess made by the American public (read: we didn't vote the way we were "supposta").

So... having clearly seen what happens when the people go against the powers that be, it just seems to me that ANY investment of energy in the process of voting or politics is entirely folly - and not the least bit "controlled" folly.  Simple.  Folly.  Period.  The ultimate no-win scenario.  No matter which way you bend over, you're still going to get... well... you get the picture, yes?

Okay... that being the said, it also seems to me that this current Economic Crisis (run for the hills! pur your money in a sock! be afraid, be very very VERY afraid!) is being played up with all the usual pomp and circumstance that precedes any major election, but may not be any more "real" than the gas shortage of '73 or the notion of a lone gunman in the Kennedy assassination.  I mean - really! - what would happen if they gave a crisis and nobody bought into it?  What would happen if we all just turned off our television sets and went about our day to day affairs as if none of it were happening?

Well, Della, that's a bit naive, isn't it?

I dunno.  IS it?  My point here is simply this:  are there times when too much information - particularly too much FALSE information - may actually cause us to panic, and in our panic, create that self-fulfilling prophecy which says, "The sky is falling!?"  IOW, would the sky fall at all if everyone could just carry on, doing their impeccable best, rather than trying to speculate and prepare for some imagined crisis that seems to be far more of shell game for the power brokers than anything else?  We hear terms like bail-out and economic collapse and the like, but is there anything we can actually DO about it?  Pull our money out of banks and stick it in the mattress?  And, what would that solve?  And what other problems would it create in the big picture?  Self-fulfilling prophecies are the most dangerous of all, for there is a certain grim satisfaction in being able to say, "See, I told you so!"  And yet... somehow I don't think I'd feel right predicting the sinking of a ship if I then went out and sank the ship just so I COULD say, "see... told you so!"

The point is simply this.  Do.  Not.  Engage.

Or, if you are going to insist on believing that your vote matters or your awareness of every detail of The Economic Downfall of America is going to somehow make you a better person, then at least try to keep it in perspective.  A warrior's perspective.  Which states, very simply:  "In a thousand years, it won't make any difference."

Folly.

There are some who do not like to acknowledge that everything in our world is folly, because once we acknowledge that, it is a huge blow to our ego, and often a crushing blow to our self-importance.  We want-to-believe we are going to make a difference, our vote will count, rah rah rah and wave the flag for freedom, but the ultimate (and ugly) reality is that we'd might as well be playing with Monopoly money and moving our litle chits along the board game of Life.

A grim outlook?  Hardly!  When a warrior is finally able to *see* that it's all just a crazy game, there is a sense of freedom which goes beyond the ability of words to express.  Sure, I still maintain my responsibilities to my life, my family and the things I care about - but I do so largely BECAUSE I am "in" this world, but no longer "part" of this world.  I make no apologies.  I feel no remorse.  I don't accept guilt trips.  I simply do not find it beneficial or productive to "care" about the things I cannot change, particularly when it is so blatantly obvious that the problems which have been created at the highest possible level will not be solved as a result of me turning my attention to it.

I realize (and respect) that there are many warriors out there who believe that our "involvement" in such things are part of the path, but that has not been the case for me, and to be brutally honest, I'm not sure it's the case for anyone who is wholly committed to the path of self-evolution.  Reason being - if I were to devote the kind of time and energy it would require to address the "problems of the here and now" (economics, war, famine, meth, illiteracy & stupidity, just to name a few), I would have no time at all to devote to my own pursuits.  And let's face it:  when it's just me and the eagle, I'm not going to have a whole lot of concern about what I did to try to 'save the world'.  The eagle ain't keeping score, and death isn't advising me to go out and campaign for the latest joker in the three ring circus.  I have more important things to do - and so do you.

So in that regard, I have to say that a warrior chooses her battles and her battlefields.  When I place myself in alignment with "the right way to live" in regard to these issues, what inevitably comes to me is that our responsibility is not to "the world" (which is little more than a series of illusions strung together like so much xmas popcorn), but to the self, and to those who might cross our path.  I have always found that there is never a shortage of problems "close to home" as it were - people (and I consider animals to be people, too) who just seem to naturally come into my field of vision, and whom I might actually be able to help on some minor level.

I don't have to go out looking for souls to save or causes to engage.  It's all right here - as Dorothy said - "right in my own back yard."  Sure, even that is only controlled folly, but at least it may actually serve to enhance my own awareness while simultaneously serving another's, so there is some mutual benefit to the engagement, which seems to indicate an efficient use of energy - far moreso than banging one's head against the political arena or trying to vaguely understand or even wrap one's mind around the sum of trillions of dollars of debt.

In the 60s, there was much talk of "getting involved."  Luckily, I have grown older and hopefully somewhat wiser.  The only winning move is not to play.

Your mileage may vary.

   

       
All material in this blog (essays, rants, images, poetry, et al) is copyright © by Della Van Hise, and may not be reprinted elsewhere without the prior written permission of the author.  Quantum Shaman^TM  is a trademark of QuantumShaman.Com^TM and reserves all rights 
 

 STALKING AUTHENTICITY

What is authenticity?

In a nutshell, authenticity is what I would call the core matrix of who-we-are as individuals. Put more simply, authenticity might be defined as the self that remains when all false personalities and pretenses have been dropped. Since this is a forum for advanced warriors, I'm not going to go into a lot of yada about what steps need to be taken to reach our authentic self, but if anyone has any questions or doubts on this, I can recommend a couple of very good books on the subject. Drop me a PM or email, but off the top of my head, I'd say Gary Zukav's "Seat of the Soul" would be a good place to start.

Okay, let's say we all know what authenticity is and that, as warriors, we strive to project into the world from the assemblage point of the authentic self. What does that look like? Maybe your authentic self isn't all sweetness and light - and if you ARE authentic, that is most likely the case. I am highly suspicious of anyone who is always laughing or smiling and always has only nice things to say. That person, in all likelihood, is not being authentic with me - and, worse, they are not being authentic with themselves.

So is that to say authenticity allows us to mope around or hurl insults at passersby on the street because that is how we truly feel? Sure, you can do that, but as with all things, there are consequences to one's actions... so this is where the advanced warrior begins stalking herself with the art of controlled folly, working hand in hand with an increasing (hopefully) connection to the place of silent knowing and the double.

It was stated many times in the CC books, and Orlando has stressed to me on my own path as well: what we are doing is a SYSTEM of knowledge, and so it is really only when all of the components of the system begin to work together in energetic compatability that we begin to realize the best results in our own unique journey.

Eh? What? What are you talking about, Della?

Simply this... It is one matter to be impeccable in all things, but even if one practices impeccability with ruthless intent, it may not be sufficient to lead the warrior to freedom if, for example, the warrior has not lost self-importance, or has not sufficiently released the energy hooks from her past (whether through recapitulation or through the art of becoming a teflon warrior). And even if a warrior has lost self-importance, but has not abandoned dependence on the egoic ramblings of her own internal dialogue, the system is not functioning at full capacity,and will most likely "fail" at some point. We cannot embrace our totality if we are still clinging to false identies or erroneous belief systems, for the totality is what we find when we emerge from those dark shadows and into the luminosity of our own unique being.

Put another way - we cannot be whole for as long as we are the least bit invested in what others think of us, and so there comes a point in a warrior's life when s/he has some tough choices to make and, in addition, must come face to face with her own darkest fears and self-doubts.

Authenticity.

About a year ago, I had a gathering at my house wherein I was projecting/channeling Orlando, and one of the ladies suddenly experienced what amounted to a movement of her assemblage point, and exclaimed, "I'm not authentic!"

It was like a lightbulb moment for her, and that is usually how it happens. We realize (often as a result of a movement of the AP) that we are "acting out" our lives instead of being present in the core of the authentic self. We are so busy being the mother or the sister or the daughter or the corporate executive or the caregiver, that we lose touch with the core identity which is simply the I-Am. It is then that we may realize we have become the actor in some script which we did not write, and of which we have no knowledge as to where it might be headed.

In a workshop I conducted at our store last spring, talk turned to the authentic self, and one lady asked, "Why is the authentic self so important? Aren't we all 'slaves' to one role or another?"

What this lady had failed to recognize is that it is ONLY from the assemblage point of the authentic self that we may know where we want to go and how we are going to go about getting there. I cannot stress this strongly enough - yet it's so simple I suspect it is often hiding in plain sight. The bottom line is that if we are NOT coming from the AP of the authentic self, it stands to reason that we are either following someone else's path or we are adrift like a ship without a rudder. The authentic self is not found in a book written by someone else. It is not found in your hopes for your children or your expectations of your family. It is found solely in the assimilation of your own individual experiences - and nowhere else.

As to the lady's second question - "Aren't we all 'slaves' to one role or another?" that may be true at a certain lever of social dependency, and this is where the art of controlled folly comes in. Using a stalker's awareness, we enable ourselves to move in and out of the consensus reality through a variety of techniques which have been discussed elsewhere on this forum, but which all boil down to "stalking with awareness." In short, the authentic self recognizes that when the clerk at the grocery store asks, "How are you doing today?" she doesn't really want the truth. But instead of responding with a long list of truths known to the authentic self, the stalker steps up to the plate and responds with the appropriate language. "Fine, thank you."

At that level of awareness, the warrior is in constant contact with the authentic self, but may play the world as an extended game of folly so as not to get enmired in its gravity. The trick, of course, IS awareness - but moreso, the trick is impeccability in aligning awareness to Intent. And the intent that is more successful is that which can ONLY come from the authentic self. 

***

Want to talk about it?  Visit my forum at:

       
All material in this blog (essays, rants, images, poetry, et al) is copyright © by Della Van Hise, and may not be reprinted elsewhere without the prior written permission of the author.  Quantum Shaman^TM  is a trademark of QuantumShaman.Com^TM and reserves all rights to this material.  This includes all print and electronic media, including other blogs

CHAOS THEORY REWRITTEN... (and STILL ongoing...)

I've said it before. More than once.  More than a thousand times.  The world is a nuthouse and the lunatics are running the asylum.  Please note:  this is not a facetious comment.  It is the reality of the reality in which we live, and appears to be getting worse, like a self-devouring tumor, a snake eating its own tail only to turn itself wrongside out with its own venom.  A paradox.

The GOOD news is that we have finally secured a store which will (in theory) also serve as a hub for my Quantum Shaman activities - a place where warriors can come to talk, interact, enjoy seminars and workshops & the like.  The retail area in the front will (in theory) provide financial support to the more spiritual activities, and all should (in theory) be right with the world, right?

Wrong.

Aside from the usual & expected hassles, we went down to the city planning offices yesterday to apply for a sign permit, and it was from that moment forward that I began to hear the little mantra of gnosis repeating itself over and over.  "Have you forgotten, m'dear?  The world is a nuthouse and the lunatics are running the asylum."  The guy behind the desk tells me, "Of course you can have signs for your business.  You just can't attach them to your building."  Eh?  So how am I supposta hang them?  Anti-gravs?  Erected on poles in the middle of the street?  Place them in the hands of angels suspended on the left toe of god? 

What's really amusing about all of this is the this "city" isn't even a city.  It is a township, and barely even that, yet it seems to function on some bizarre paradigm of "Monkey See, Monkey Do."  Realizing that other cities have sign ordinances, Yucca Valley adopted one of its own - though it is far more strict (read: prohibitive) than anything in any upscale neighborhood in Beverly Hills.  For anyone who has ever been here, the irony is plain.  What's that old saying - can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear.  But that doesn't stop them from trying.  As I read through the multi-page application for sign permit, I was amused to come across the following:

"Color by paint manufacturer and ID number____________".

For anyone who has ever seen the delightful movie, PLEASANTVILLE, this may ring a few bells.  Seems that anything I want to do is (and I quote), "Not an approved color."  *LOLOL*  Purple, green and blue... are "not approved colors" in this town.  Imagine that!  Red, black, white & gold, however, ARE approved colors.  Who makes these rules and who enforces them and who for a moment believes any of it is real?

At this point, it is my intent to have my sign done as *I* want it done, attach it to my building in a secure manner, and sit back waiting to see what will happen.  I am told I will be "cited".  It is a $25. fine, or perhaps $50 if the judge is in a bad mood that day.  But - the real funny part is that to apply for a "major variance" requires $867, and if the variance is declined, the money is not returned, nor are there any appeals.  I am told that I may file for another variance for another $867, but that it will most likely not be granted because, "We don't usually grant variances even though we encourage you to apply for one."  Indeed - I'm sure you do encourage it!

Cheaper to pay the fine.  I can see the headlines now:  "Respectable merchant arrested for sign violation while junkies roam the streets.  Welcome to Our Town."

And, of course, on an entirely unrelated series of events which nonetheless illustrate the truth of The Mantra of Gnosis, it is amusing to note that I had 397 spams yesterday in one email account, and 425 in another.  What's really pathetic is that I have to maintain 4 separate email accounts just to serve as receptacles for the trash, and apparently it still isn't enough.  I mean... think about it, folks.  Does anybody ever buy anything from these assholes who are filling up our mailboxes with their cyberpoop?  Would you invest your life savings with a company that spells "invester" with an "e"?  Is your sex life so pathetic that you would actually "Call Tootsie for a good time at $5.95 per minute"?  Is your IQ so low that you would actually believe Mr. Achmantutu of The Republic of Tittiyaya needs you to help him get his assets into the US because he is being persecuted by rebel extremists and forced to flee the beloved land of his birth?

I mean - really - does anybody out there ever fall for any of this crap that arrives in our email boxes as if delivered by the hand of god?  Do you really think you've just won the Internet Daily Lottery and that all you now have to do is send in $9.95 to cover the cost of printing the check, which will be sent to you in the mail?  Are you so self-important that you honestly think you're going to get $500 from Bill Gates if you forward this email to the next 50 people in your address book so that dear ol' Bill can track where your email goes?  C'mon!  Do you really think you're getting a free laptop because you answered a five-minute survey (that ended with asking you to enter the numbers and accompanying passwords to all your credit cards?)  Is anybody on this planet that stupid?

So when I'm not arguing with the frazzled young man at the planning department, I'm wasting countless hours deleting all those winning lottery tickets and free dinners at Denny's (oh, deep-fried joy!), and shaking my head in amazement at the imbeciles who apparently think anybody is dumb enough to fall for whatever scam they're peddling this time.

Of course, I do keep all the ads for enlarging my penis.  I'm pretty sure those are real.  "Become a big dick.  Just apply assholes."  Yup - works every time.

Lunacy.  Sheer.  Unparalleled.  Lunacy.

                                        "Madness is not an approved color."  (Orlando)

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Went to see Fahrenheit 9/11 over the summer.  Interesting.  Frighteningly interesting.  Makes me remember why I stay out of the CR altogether, why I have lost all faith in my fellow human beings, and why I have as little as possible to do with politics and religion.</font>

The film is about folly - but folly at such high levels and with such intense financing that it quickly becomes clear my personal mantra has even more truth than I want to believe: the world is a nuthouse and the lunatics are running the asylum. 

I realize there are many differing approaches to the CR even among warriors.  I've recently read that some of the folks on my forum, The Shaman's Rattle, like to stay informed and up on current events, while others take the approach of keeping their distance entirely, detaching from the socio-political machinations of this world as much as humanly possible.  Personally, I'm in the latter camp, largely because I have come to the conclusion that I cannot change this world through engaging with it; and the only real hope I have of changing myself with regard to my own evolution is to stay as far distant from the machinations of madness as I can get.  I don't have time to play footsies with phantoms for the sake of upholding their illusions.

I used to vote.  Used to think one vote could matter.  That was before this last presidential election.  The guy I voted for (you know: the fellow who actually won the election) ain't in the White House, and the travesty that was called an "election" was far more reminiscent of an "installation" of a pre-determined dictatorship.  Sorry if that offends anyone, but no amount of dressing up the naked elephant is going to disguise his presence in the room.  So, in essence, why would a warrior bother in a world so deeply steeped in illusion that there is no longer any way to tell truth from lies, fact from fiction, shit from shinola?  Why invest my personal time and energy into political machinations, when it is patently obvious that outcomes are bought and paid for long before the ballots are even printed?

This movie was extremely disturbing because I perceive it to be true, and when I begin to realize just how fucked up this world has become as a result of greed for money and power, I begin to realize more and more how utterly pointless it is to engage in that kind of folly.  "Staying abreast of current events" really isn't even possible, because it has been proven all too often that there is no great "truth" in the media anymore, if there ever was. So what we are staying abreast of would seem to me to be the latest propaganda rather than any sense of "truth" at any level.  We see only what the powers that be want us to see.

One thing in this movie that really raised my eyebrows was the report that the media is "forbidden" to show pictures of flag-draped coffins coming in on the planes from Iraq.  Forbidden.  Think about that word for a moment, and then ask yourself what happened to "freedom of the press."  To my Knowledge from those old civics class (when I was far more interested in Mark DeLong's ass than whatever the teacher was babbling about, admittedly), the only thing the government has the "right" to censor has to do with matters of national security. 

To "forbid" the media to show photos of flag-draped coffins somehow speaks to the very heart of this madness.  The war is shoved down our throats as a grand quest for weapons of mass destruction (which I told Wendy 2 years ago did NOT exist, never had and never would in Iraq); we are spoon-fed patriotic gobbledegook from the mouths of career politicians who would clearly never allow their own children to participate in this holy war of ours; and kids who aren't old enough to drink are shipped off with rap music blasting in their ears as an incentive to spur them to kill, kill, kill the infidels.  Both "sides" are equally insane, to the point that there is very little difference, if any, between "us" and "them."

But no pictures of flag-draped coffins are allowed.   Death isn't real. 

This is not the world I grew up in.  Things change.  We're encouraged to "get involved".  Rah, rah, wave the flag.  Go out and vote on election day because it's the patriotic thing to do.

Why?  To maintain the illusions being foisted upon us by the powers that be?  To support a system that not only is no longer working, but is shrouded in deception and the highest possible corruption at the highest possible levels?  As a warrior, I cannot go through the motions of being a good citizen with a clear conscience, because "good" has become "bad", and bad is masquerading as good - and the most frightening thing of all is that most folks buy into it because they WANT to believe it all "means" something, when clearly all it means is that whoever has the most money will always win.  Period.

It's all just folly blowing in the wind on the 4th of July.  I think I'll have some Mexican food and wash it down with French wine.  Maybe I'll even watch some foreign movie with shitty subtitles, and fly the Jolly Roger on my front porch.

Every warrior is a sovereign nation of one, a singularity in a sea of madness.